Love on the ship

What its like to find someone special on board?

Let me tell you the odds of finding love in the ship, the rules and the pain.

To be able to find someone on board is likely 70/30. You will find someone to go to bed at night is 80/20 after hitting your beer number or sort of drinks you get. This, with consent and all.

There are folds of obstacle and numbers of hurdles in finding relationship while at work. Even in any land base job. But on board it is apparently the hardest.

The consistency of failing relationships before my eyes while I witnessed lovebirds looking in love in one contract amuse me. Nevertheless of seeing this, I was not excluded with the heartbreaks.

So if you are single on board, you will likely be the first target of suitors by any status, Married, single, in a relationship on board, in a relationship off board. 

Singles - Even if you like one and he likes you, the question is, Is he for real? The answer my friend is No. After the contract, if he doesn't sent home yet by breaking some policy, It is you who might be sent home, if not lucky for both of you.

But, even if you get to be in a relationship with this single too, Would the suitors stop now? Nope. Behind your now bf eyes, these men are still on the look out of you breaking up. And they will make stories. I'm telling you. The relationship is not safe yet. What I really want to tell you is, There is no relationship on board. Only situationship. It depends on the sea you're sailing.

So yeah you now become couples on board. Good for ya! Did you do background check yet? Married, girlfriend off board? Oh yes I did mention single right? Single on board! These are what you need to look into before jumping in that bed with that man. Some men on board will tell you they are single, because the fact that they are far from their wife and she wouldn't know a hell of it is also because no one cares.  No one will tell anyone from home that their husband is banging someone else there. No one. This is ship rules.

You keep your ''situationship'' because obviously love grows. The main thing is to hide it from home. No facebook photos of you together, or if there is it's with groups and both of you are feet apart.

This kind of situation will take its turn, Eventually one of you will get tired of the ship life and go home if not yet discovered by the entire family of the man. I'm not saying love does not exist on board, it does, in fact I have known a lot of people got married and then divorce. True story.
You see, being away from home, real friends and family, loneliness will get you. So you end up finding that person who will help you get through it. It's not using, it's surviving. There may be no real love in there, but to be honest you didn't work on sea to find love did you?

But kudos to those who manage to survive the storm of love and betrayals, who got married, who keeps their marriage off board sacred and respected, those who finds true love and still believe it is true love, wait till you see it. I'm kidding! Love is supposed to be fun. Go love. sleep, drink and travel. Enjoy it while it last. If it is truest to the true, then congratulation!

Draw day and Instagram

 So I did this.  If any of you stumble here I would like you to visit my Instagram which is artsyrc. It has been my major holder of my arts. So if you wanna see more since I am really lacking in finding time to post here due to my job nature. Basically internet is one of our dilemma, Aside from it being insanely expensive, my limit time to write is also out of the picture. You know what I just realized, this irrelevant to internet connection, is my social anxiety had somewhat disappear. I am able to talk to people now, be it Indian, Ukrainian, Korean, Spanish name it, I had found myself somewhere in the corner of the crew bar chatting and drowning myself in beers and cocktails.

The turning point of my little life

Well, why, Hello there,

As my usual intro for missing in blogosphere for ages, Please accept my apology dear reader my imaginative reader for that indefinite absence. I have however, a lengthy news.

November 27 2015- I have officially ended my long affair with my job. It was treacherous 7 years of my life wasted in swiveling chair solving mortgages of strangers, making them known of their over dues debt in the company I was working. I made friends and nemesis, the enemies are the fun part of being a bitch co-worker I had become to the newbies. I didn't save a million in over my 7 years, not even hundred thousands. But I did somehow earned a few bucks that helped me worked on my next life venture. That on next phase.


December 17- I have been accepted to work away from home. A dream come true.

March 9 2016- I have left Philippines, officially and announced. I have been working, as of this writing I am still. Well I work now in cruise ship. Remember that dream come true. This was it. It has been a long dream to work and travel at the same time. So far I have been half of the continent, working with 50 nationalities. I have been in Europe, Asia And US for only a years now. Mind if I brag a little? Well I'm also earning double my corporate salary in Philippines. Plus I get to see the world.
The commence was not easy, I nearly quit. And now I believe in ship people, ship life is not for everyone, especially not for someone who misses home that often or a little soft, because working on the ship will harden you and teach you that life is not all about lemons, there are plenty of others too. And you have to learn to fight back. My favorite fight to pick on? Indians! They hate my guts and so do I.


July something- My on and off 8 years relationship with my fiance is now over and dead. I called it off, Upon having so much of everything at work, I realized I cannot handle any of it anymore. And besides it was long gone before the official break up. We were already done even before I was still working at home. It was just hard for us to leave each other because for me, losing him would mean being alone for the rest of my life. I don't think I would ever find someone else new. And if I ever, it's never gonna get easy while working in the ship.

So being said and done, I have now a new life. I was able to get through things by my own. Dealing with a broken heart and a constant messages from an ex boyfriend, while working with someone who doesn't like a bit of you, and be micromanage has somewhat turned me into a new different person. I fought back now, still cries and hide somewhere, but with all that I learned to stand up again, pretend nothing happened and go back to work.
And if you are wondering if I'm still drawing. I still do.
And I quite added a little learning, Spanish.

Party Girls don't get hurt

I dont know how I end up right here. 10 years ago I was dreaming of touring the global with my foreign husband maybe I met in between of my evening parties I attended, unfortunately that didnt happen. i was instead introduce to a person I hated the most, the person I do not know how to communicate with. A very complicated man he is, a man that requires my full patience at hand. I never find him charming in any way, in fact he was someone I would reject if he would even initiate to hit me. But fate played me big time, drunk me one night, place me beaide this person and I started flirting. Did I regret? Very much back then, not now.

I'd always disgree with his thoughts because my goal was convince him real hard that I wasnt the right girl for him. Not the very least. There would come a days that ignoring him was my favorite thing. And yet he never give up.I gave up.

It was also evening when visited me at my place with his serious speech about love and all. As lousy as it was I yawned and told him to back off.

The next day he was nowhere to be found. Not a pain sight as I recall feeling pleased with my sucess. Days passed by and I realized I was actually looking for him unknowingly. I was asking some of our colleague if they happen to know his whereabouts.

He was sick because he was drinking for days, as he explained when I asked him one day a week after he returned. Okay, was it because of me? i ask. Yes was his firm answer not looking me in the eye and ignoring me as possibleas he can. I was disapppinted that he'd resort to such thing just because I rejected him. But I was please inside. Maybe I really have an affecton him.maybe the days I was looking for Mr right has finally come to an end.or maybe not...


To be continued on the next drawing.

See yah

NoN

Im a hobo and Im embarassed to tell you

I have a secret to tell and even I am embarrass to tell but I am going to anyway.
I have been working in a company 5 years over, and my dilemma is travelling from home to work vise versa. it is never been a good travel unless it is holiday, for we all know the road are less crowded but the bus are always on murder mission, holding tight in your seat for an hour will not calm you but a music on your ear and short nap while hugging tight your bag is fine.

I live down south, almost 3 hours from home to work on a busy hour of the day, let's say if I leave my place at 6 in the morning most likely I will be at work 9 to 9:30 inclusive of all the traffic we encounter. A different story on the evening, because 3 hours is not enough, this results to migraine and desperation to hit someone due to long, boring and irritating heavy traffic. (hit someone like the traffic enforcer, I say)

This concludes me to start living like  hobo, on daily basis I stop myself from seeing how terrible our roads are, I decided to live off anywhere else except from going home. I sleep at the office, which is sort of prohibited for an employee to abuse company premises.ha! Not at all. I am not alone who got tired from shit everyday. I take my shower at the office, eat my dinner a little outside, back to the office for a quiet slumber that only and only allowed for 4 hours, but who the hell wakes up a person in the middle of the night just to be sent home? Nope. that never happened. Our sleeping quarters are only for day time rest like short breaks or lunch break when you prefer to rest than eat.

It is embarrassing to wake up in the morning with your blanket and staff with you and pretend you don't see people passing with a judgmental stare, I always hear some remarks that don't affect me like(andito na naman pala mga boarders naten) or( hay wala na namang space paano ginagawang bahay ang opisina) or when the restroom cubicle specifically for disabled is occupied for an hour because that's where we usually use it after shower. It's just too roomy and well lighted and also where I can properly do all my make up routine without someone watching me annoyingly.

Just because I am always on the go and living indignantly by our government treatment to our roads (always the govt. faults even how my sinigang sa miso taste like when I order it at manangs carenderia) doesn't mean I am incapable of beauty paraphernalia. I always bring them with me, my travel kit is always with me(repeat it with me "always"), my team mates find it weird that I carry two bag, one with all the clothes for the whole week and the other for my vanity.

Below photo are my treasure, for people like me sleeping around(ahem sounds bad) let me rephrase that for a hobo like me, who have friends tolerating me to sleep on their couch because I can't afford to rent my own place and to the company who allows employee to sleep of they are "unable to go home due maybe to typhoon or anything else that concerns your life(the point of not renting my own place near my office is because I am already renting back home and have invested on some staff that i don't think will fit in a small space, also knowing that these rented space are terribly pricing their space like it's kind of a condo type, and it's not for god sake!) In short kuripot ako, I'm living frugal, only I am investing on my cosmetics because I have to look good at work. Just because I'm homeless on weekdays doesn't mean I have to look like a beggar (no pun intended) beggar on streets are my kind of idol.hahaha


Thank you for my co worker for allowing me to crash her place while I took this pic in the floor, hence the quality of the photo.

This has become super lengthy and I'm supposed to separate this post but my phone might not survive until this week because I left my charger on my locker.

Here's my saviour I'll review these staff on the next post. kay?

• Dry Shampoo Dove - for the days that I magically become lazy to take shower because I have no energy to wait in line when someone forgets that they are not in their home.
• Human nature Oil Cleansing -  Oh god this one is my favorite, not the best one on shelves but helpful, actually my second cleansing oil after I lost my first one, left maybe at the bathroom or somewhere.
• Nature republic BB- scored this from a friend, good for covering my rashes when my allergy attacks while sleeping. Not my daily BB.
• Human Nature sunflower oil- This one is obviously my favorite, I am suffering from combination skin dry and rough on my cheeks but oily on my t-zone, this helps me moisturize over all.
• Beach Hut face sunscreen- I use this when I know I need to go out later that day, but mostly I am inside the office and only go out in the evening for dinner or some sort.
• Water me BB Clio - apologies for the cropped pic, I didn't realize it until I posted this. This came all the way from Korea, my boss came back from travel and bought me this. super like.
• Dove whitening deodorant -  we use this everyday Do i need to review this?
• Victoria Secret Bombshell -  yehey!! my next favorite perfume after Elizabeth Arden Green tea, this one smells like a chic, sweet and sexy.
• Jergens  lotion- an apperance but my not my daily use.

 The rest will be posted on next coming days, but they are not for travel, it's my home regime.

Here's me shying away my photographer.

hating someone

Whn I feel the need to vent out some smoke of anger thay I can't or I am not allowed to express my feelings, I draw. if not I might just stab that someone in front until it stops breathing. but my personality is far from violent. Im actually scared of sharp objects even eye pencil or whatever is that the you put on your eye to create a cat like eye. Im blabbing right here, right now.

so goodbye.

no one likes you

As for the record, I have been blogging and making arts since I dont remember anymore, and yet no one has ever tried dropping by to say hello. oh god Im so needy, not really.

It feels good to know someone ou there a breathing soul appreciates my work and not just stalk.

You monster

I no longer have patience with disruptive adults losing in the mainstream of aging delimma those who abruptly tells us to act mature yet they are in no position to tell us off. I no longer believe in camaraderie disguise as friendship for in reality they are just pretentious pack gossiping and comparing each other secretly. This wicked world has lost its dignity, strip and abandoned , with only dishonesty, fake charm, and evilness coming from people walking and living. I only feel resentment. My heart wishfully thinking of a newer place, away from these zombies making money. I do not like conflict but prople cannot live without hating something someone. They even hate the air they are breathing.

My art is not relevant to my rant, its just that I dont have any to attached here.

Anyhoo Im out.

b&w

Today I wanted to draw black and white I was half done with all the initial shading and coloring of black, then my cousin snoop behind me working on it and as opinionated as her she suggested that the color is dry and sad, I dont know what she means by dry, but I know it does look sad, exactl what I wanted to draw, some sad girl. She hates it. So I decided to layered one with colors, and out of the gloomy art, it changes.

See how an art change its feels, when colored.

Its interesting when you see the difference, and you choose the colored because it affects your emotion that day.

maybe I was sad.

because I like the black still.

It is this kind of time when everything you do makes you sweat, it is the kind of weather that makes you hope that you live in a freezing place (at least thats what im thinking right now) probably the one of the worst day you'll have if you decided to go out early today because at exactly 11am the sun blaze like it's firing you fire. I am at home the whole day but doing some house chores invited me to bed, because the heat just too overwhelming.

I wish I am at some place where its cold.

I know to be careful when wishing but really....

lets exchange places.

if you like summer a lot come here, Ill go there Ill watch your dog, scrape that snow out your step, whatever you ask.

the roadtrip

I was never the good choice for advice, everytime my best friend needed someone to talk she always have my back, but I never give advice for a reason that my advise usually bias, or I never took my bestfriend side, often than not we end up arguing things because I solely refuse to believe that my bestfriend is the nicest person you'll know, because she's not. All her fights, well few of it she's winning.

She tend to go forth on everything, confrontation is her first resort, and I was, still, never a fan of confrontation. I let things subside, not because Im a loser but because I dont want to speak my mind in the heat of argument as that becomes an additional damage to both parties.

My bestfriend on the other side claims the throne of confrontation. Shes the queen, she will directly right that moment ask you about your problem againts her, that usually ends with shouting, bad mouthing if the person involves is on the verge of errupting too.

My coin to that, is to learn to control. control your emotions. control your body temperature, and your mind. its most likely the easiest way to escape from unlikely scenario, that may cause losing your face in front of someone.

To my bestfriend who's having tough time today because for the first time in history, she is trying to let this one pass. May you succeed in this new found strenght. Let them burden the heavy heart for not being able to make you freak out today. I am proud sisterbestfriend.

Heres for the travel we were talking about. the adventure of roadtrip.

Let's go baby!!

sunny in my heart

You played with the sun like you played with the rain but with different intense, for we know you love the rain more. It is like loving same person but with different weight, your eyes flickered with the drop of the rain kissing your skin. the earth evolves to give you light and dark/ the universe collide to deliver what you call amazing planet. the stars twinkle in the night and you look up with awe but the daylight gives you so much joy, like the joy of drinking that tequila and waiting for your system to taste its goodness.
while you dance with that raving sound. its always summer in your mind, always sunny in your heart.always waiting for you unlike rain you wait for it.wait until it decided to come, becase you do realize you are living in a tropical country.

my side of a coin

dear person with power you can't handle,

I used to question myself a lot especially on times when you throw some fit we dont know where its coming from. I always defend you, maybe we are being aggressive and harsh that you find it intimidating. maybe you wanted so much to be close to us that you do things beyond measure, actually you are exaggerating things that dont need to be emphasize, but since you have the bragging rights you do your way. we let you for months. it was painful tolerating your immaturity.

And we didnt stop you there we wanted to give you chance, that perhaps your over reactions from the last confrontation was flared up due to unbearable jealousy. yes you were too jealous you would never admit it. it was okay, it was fine. we were good with that you have the right to dictate our relationship with whom we wanted to be close with.

apparently no you never had the right to control our feelings. we are your followers but we have our own feelings, decision and life.

For the second time you asked again our understanding, I know in our heart we were wrong too. we said our parts and we were sorry for "intentionally" as your own word for hurting you in a way that we still compare you and our previous leader. which in all fairness, we have the strongest relationship as leader and follower because he was effective.Im not saying youre not, Im saying maube try a little harder in your own way.

People are not going to follow you by using a whip or demand. followers follow by an effective instruction.

We are just not your people, we are your people whom you can trust, and maybe whom you can talk too.

Dont give us the "busy note on every occasion we need you. your job is to listen and help us and not step on us just because you dont want your boss to find you siding. Maybe you have reputation to prove to your boss, but you may have forgotten that along with your responsibility is a leadership we can be proud of. but you failed big time.

On a third blow up, you decided to split us not because the company need it but because you find it as an attempt of alliance againts you, for god sake! an alliance for what?

The reason you were giving was a result of unplanned decision. it was different from each of us. we dont know which one is real. what we know is you being two faced is a shame. be careful when using your power, karma is bitch,it can slap you back even if youre not watching, it usually barge in like that.

I was planning a very lenghty letter but recalling everything is a torture. I cant help also but recall your face while Im at it, I am more disgusted by your inappropriate and pretentious face when your trying to explain your side. it is just fucking disturbing how a face like that can be sly and ruthless.

We shouldnt have trusted your sweet talks.

And ending this letter just makes me angry.

venying out here

 venying

root word; venting while denying


because looking back at every mistakes and failure makes you understand the concept of learning from it. from this day on, I will not let my mistakes define me nor would I let my failure place me in the dark where I am only known as shadow. I have my own decision, power and will to do whatever I like. maybe just because they think I failed twice or even more I will in the next coming days. I have had enough of the judgemental stare, the whispering complain, the side comments that I didnt even ask in the first place. hugot moment ko to sa mga taong wala na ginawa kundi icompare at ijudge ako.I am not as good as your favorite, but at least I am not as bad as you.

But before i forgoty intention in blogging today here it is..

i jist feel the need to vent ou where else but here.

it is unrelated to my arts but a person needs to say things to feel better even a little.

great.

bye.

Vday=shitday

Valentines day is coming and without a warning. I just notice that my friends are starting to talk about vday, I am not the biggest fan of vday but I dont resent it, well I used to hate it when I was single. But on this kind of day and in my waning age, I dont find it fancy anymore. Its just an ordinary day but you are doomed to witness the free love birds on public, the kind of sweetness you really dont want to see unless you want to torture yourself over this nasty make out of teens. Im about to puke just imagining it. These kids are like super minor that their parents think they are at school frying their brain. And I just end up showing disgust.

But please I dont want to talk about vday.

Some are done

Heres a set of my illustration the other week.

Watercolor day

I did some watercolor today.it didnt came out great but I am still on the process of making friends with watercolor and brushes. Also I realize that all my paintbrush are on the same size, i dont have small size for small areas like eyes or blushes. I should get one and practice more.

Tired all day

registration is open for grumpy circle

Just because Im off from work today I made a list last night of what to do's today, and unfortunately I slept late and woke up later today. So I decided to do some quick art and maybe flood my IG with my unnecessary rants and doodles. Some people are just plain snooty and full of air. I can't handle their dramas anymore, I can't even handle mine.

So heres the list if grumpy people who might be in your circle too.

Ciao I have some sleeping to do...

soulmate

I could'nt think of any reason not to believe in soul mate, it is a strange kind of force that draws you close to that person, even though you lost count of reason not to. Similar to an addiction you cant seem to stop because it'll hurt you painfully inside.

The kind of attraction that confuses you with love and hormones. It's raging hormones that makes you stay because it feels right, but still always leave you wondering and questioning. Is this right? Is this love? For if it is, why does it feels wrong and right at the same time.

Soulmate..maybe not meant to be with together forever, but meant to be with you at one point of your life.

My soulamate. Yoy will always be in my heart.and no knife can trace you out from me.